How to Include Family & Friends in Your Elopement (Even If They’re Not There)
Eloping looks different for everyone—some couples choose to have a few guests, while others keep it just the two of them. But no matter what your day looks like, there may be people who can’t be there, whether by choice, circumstance, or because they’ve passed. And that can feel bittersweet. The good news? Love isn’t limited by physical presence. There are so many intentional ways to include and honor the people who have shaped your life—whether they’re celebrating with you in person, from afar, or in spirit.
Should You Invite Guests to Your Elopement?
One of the first big decisions when planning your elopement is whether or not to invite guests. And honestly? There’s no wrong answer—just what feels right for you.
Some couples love the idea of having their closest family or friends by their side, sharing in the moment. Others feel most connected when it’s just the two of them, somewhere quiet, with no distractions. And sometimes, it’s a mix of personal choice and logistics—maybe certain family members can’t travel, or you know that inviting one person means inviting ten more, and suddenly things start feeling… not like an elopement anymore.
If you’re feeling torn, ask yourself:
- Does having guests add to or take away from the experience we want?
- Would we feel more comfortable exchanging vows in private?
- Will inviting certain people come with emotional weight, stress, or expectations?
- Are there ways to include people in our celebration without them physically being there?
At the end of the day, your elopement is about celebrating your love in a way that feels authentic. Whether that means a handful of loved ones witnessing your vows or just the two of you in a breathtaking, secluded spot—it’s your story to write. And no matter what, the people who love you will want what’s best for you (even if they don’t totally get it at first).
How to Include Loved Ones in Your Elopement—Even If They’re Not There
Just because someone isn’t physically there on your elopement day doesn’t mean they can’t be part of it in a meaningful way. Whether you’ve chosen to elope just the two of you, or there are people who simply couldn’t make it, there are so many ways to include them in your celebration. Some are simple gestures—carrying something that reminds you of them, reading a letter they wrote, or sharing a special moment with them virtually. Others might take a little more planning, like a pre-elopement send-off or a post-elopement celebration. But no matter how you do it, honoring the people who have played a big role in your life—who have shaped who you are and supported you along the way—adds an even deeper layer of meaning to your wedding day. Because love isn’t just about one moment—it’s about all the moments that led you here.
Before Your Elopement
Ask for Letters or Well Wishes
There’s something powerful about holding words written just for you—especially on a day as big as this. If you have loved ones who won’t be there, ask them to write letters for you to read on your elopement day. Some will be sentimental, some will be funny, and some might be exactly what you didn’t know you needed to hear in that moment. It’s a way to carry their love with you, to have their voices woven into your day, even from miles away.
Include Them in the planning process
Just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean your loved ones can’t be involved in some way. If you have family or friends who are supportive of your decision, letting them play a small role in the planning process can help them feel connected to your day. Ask them for advice on something simple, like hairstyles or flowers. Let them share their own wedding memories—their favorite moments, their biggest regrets, the little things they still cherish. It’s not about asking for permission or seeking approval. It’s about making space for connection, letting them share in your excitement, and honoring the role they’ve played in your life.
Create a Wedding Website
Even if your elopement is just the two of you, a wedding website can be a great way to keep friends and family in the loop. You can share your story, post updates, and maybe even let them participate in small ways—like voting on a song for your first dance or sending in marriage advice. If you plan to livestream your ceremony or share photos later, this is also an easy way to bring everyone along for the journey, without it turning into something bigger than you want it to be.
Host a Pre-Elopement Send-Off
A send-off gathering can be as simple or elaborate as you want—a casual dinner, a backyard bonfire, a weekend getaway with your closest people. There’s something special about marking the occasion, about giving your loved ones a chance to hug you, toast to your future, and send you off with all their love and well wishes.
Send a Celebration Box
For the people who mean the most to you, consider putting together a little pre-elopement gift—something that makes them feel part of your day, even if they’re not there. A mini bottle of champagne, a sweet treat, a handwritten note, or a small keepsake that ties into your wedding plans. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. It’s just a way to say, You’re important to us. We wish you could be there. And we want you to celebrate with us, in spirit.
Get creative with your announcements
Announcing your elopement plans beforehand can actually be really fun (and will definitely get everyone talking). You could send out “save the date” cards or even announce it on social media using creative hashtags or photos. Be sure to include a note about how eloping was the best decision for you as a couple. Ask them to celebrate with you in spirit on your special day! And most importantly – don’t forget to tell everyone how much you love them and appreciate their support, even if they couldn’t be there in person!
During Your Elopement
Wear or Carry Something Meaningful
Sometimes, the smallest things hold the most meaning. A piece of jewelry gifted by a parent, a pocket watch that belonged to a grandparent, a scrap of fabric from a loved one’s clothing sewn into your outfit. Maybe it’s a handwritten note tucked into your vow book, or a tiny charm hidden in your bouquet or boutonniere. These little details aren’t just objects—they’re reminders of the people who have shaped your life, carried with you into this new chapter.
Share the Moment with a Virtual Celebration
Just because someone isn’t there in person doesn’t mean they can’t witness your vows. If it feels right, consider live-streaming your ceremony so family and friends can watch in real time. It doesn’t have to be a big production—just a simple phone setup, a tripod, and maybe a few minutes after to say hi and soak in their excitement. If you can’t livestream due to logistics, consider recording a video of your ceremony and sending it out later when you’re connected to WiFi.
Customized Vows
Incorporate insights, advice, or funny anecdotes shared by your loved ones into your vows. This not only personalizes your commitment but also honors those who have shaped your relationship. Mentioning family and friends in your vows reinforces their significance in your life, bridging the distance between you.
DIY Contributions
For friends and family who have talents in crafting, music, or art, invite them to contribute something they’ve made to your day. Whether it’s a handmade item for your ceremony, a playlist curated by a music-loving friend, or a piece of art created just for you, these contributions add a personalized touch that’s uniquely reflective of your relationships.
Hold a Moment of Gratitude
Before or after your vows, take a quiet moment to reflect on the people who have supported you, loved you, and helped bring you to this day. It doesn’t have to be anything formal—just a deep breath, a whispered thank you, or a glance up at the sky. If you have guests with you, you can invite them to share their love and blessings in their own way. If it’s just the two of you, let yourselves feel the presence of the people who have mattered most.
Symbolic Toast
After the ceremony, raise a glass—to your love, to your journey, and to the people who have been part of your story. Whether it’s champagne, coffee, or a sip of whiskey from a flask, take a moment to celebrate—not just the two of you, but the friends, family, and ancestors who have helped shape your lives. A small, simple gesture, but one that carries weight.
After Your Elopement
Post-Elopement Reception
If you still want to celebrate with family and friends, a post-elopement gathering can be the perfect way to do it—on your terms. This event doesn’t have to be elaborate; it’s simply about sharing the joy of your marriage with your wider circle. It offers the perfect occasion for storytelling, dancing, and reliving the elopement highlights with those who weren’t there. You can even show off your wedding photos or have a slideshow presentation!
Facetime or Call Family & Friends
Sometimes, the simplest gestures mean the most. Taking a few minutes to call or video chat with your closest people after your ceremony can make them feel like they were part of the day. Whether it’s a quick, “We did it!” or a longer conversation where you share your excitement and soak in their love, it’s a way to bridge the distance and bring them into your joy.
Take a Special Photo for Them
A little sign that says Wish You Were Here, a shot of you holding a loved one’s handwritten note, or even just a quiet moment captured with them in mind—photos can be a powerful way to include the people who couldn’t be there. It’s not about creating a perfectly curated image, but about making space for them in a way that feels right to you.
Share a Personalized Announcement
If you didn’t tell everyone ahead of time, consider sending out a personalized elopement announcement. It could be a simple handwritten note, a beautifully designed card with a favorite photo, or even a short video message sharing the news in your own words. It’s a thoughtful way to let people know and invite them to celebrate with you—on your terms.
Write Thank-You Letters to Those Who Supported You
Eloping doesn’t mean you didn’t have support along the way. If certain people helped you plan, gave you encouragement, or were just there to listen when you needed to talk, take the time to write them a heartfelt note. Let them know how much their love and support meant to you—not just on your wedding day, but throughout your journey together.
Host a Virtual Celebration
Not everyone can travel, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be part of the joy. Set up a virtual gathering where you can share stories, show photos, or even play back parts of your ceremony for those who couldn’t be there. This can be as casual or as planned-out as you want—just a way to bring people together and let them share in your happiness.
Wedding Photo Album
After the elopement, compile a beautiful photo book that captures the essence of your day, including snippets from your adventure, personal messages, and photos. Make it available online or create physical copies for your loved ones. This album is not just a thank-you gift; it’s a way to share your journey and the beauty of your intimate celebration with everyone who holds a place in your hearts.
Ways to Honor Loved Ones Who Have Passed
Carry or Wear Something of Theirs
A locket with their photo, a piece of jewelry they once wore, or even a fabric swatch sewn into your attire—small details like these are a beautiful way to keep them close on your wedding day.
Light a Candle or Burn Incense
A quiet, intentional moment to acknowledge their presence. Whether it’s a single candle flickering beside you or the scent of incense filling the air, this small ritual can be a grounding way to honor their memory.
Make an Offering in Nature
If you’re eloping outdoors, consider leaving something behind in a special spot—a flower, a stone, or a handwritten note. It’s a symbolic way to acknowledge their spirit and invite them to be part of your day.
Toast to Them
When you raise a glass after your ceremony, dedicate part of that toast to the ones who have passed. Whether you say something out loud or simply hold them in your thoughts, it’s a heartfelt way to acknowledge their love and impact on your life.
A Memorial
Setting up a small tribute can be a beautiful way to include their presence in your celebration. A framed photo placed on a table, pictures hung from a ribbon or tucked into a bouquet, or even a simple sign that says, Forever in our hearts—just a little space to honor them in your own way.
A Photo With Their Picture
Some couples choose to take a photo holding a framed picture of a loved one, or even placing their photo in a meaningful spot during the ceremony. It’s a simple but powerful way to visually show that they are still part of this moment.
A Special Drink or Treat They Loved
Was there a drink they always ordered? A dessert they couldn’t resist? Incorporating something they loved—whether it’s a favorite whiskey, a slice of their go-to pie, or even a childhood comfort food—can be a deeply personal way to honor their memory and bring them into your celebration.
Eloping without guests doesn’t mean you have to exclude all of your loved ones from the festivities! There are plenty of ways to include them in the process, both before and after the big day itself. If you’re nervous about breaking the news of your plans to friends and family, here’s a resource I put together that might help.
So go ahead and start planning! By following these tips, you’ll be sure to make everyone feel included on your big day.
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Hi! I’m Andrea!
Photographer, storyteller, nature lover
Lume Photography is a creative Michigan elopement photographer & planner based in the Upper Peninsula. Behind the camera, you’ll find me (Andrea) photographer, forager, paranormal enthusiast. My passion is helping free-spirited couples craft their dream wedding in nature, and documenting the moments, emotions, and story in amazing photos. READ MORE ABOUT ME